I am angry at how nonsensical it was. An octopus - manipulated him into killing? He didn't remember? Whatever it is that happened, it was stupid, and unworthy of my time.
[she sounds bitter and annoyed, but as though it's all just about that. except she adds - ]
...guess I didn't, either. It's only been a few weeks.
[he sighs]
But a few weeks is enough time to think of someone as a friend, so having this happen to him sucks. ...but where does that leave us with - Cosmos, Micah, whatever name he would have ended up picking for himself in the end... it sucks that he's gone, too.
[if a few weeks is enough time to think of someone as a friend, that's news to her. it feels a little alien, to feel so certain where you stand with someone so quickly.]
There is something I've always known that I must atone for, whenever I finally die. I'd prefer to live, but if the time has come, it is something I can accept.
[she brings her fingers to her mouth and chews on one of her nails.]
...One of those demons told me Gideon was here as part of my punishment. I don't actually believe they know anything about why we're here, but - that is unacceptable.
Nor can I accept that for anyone, even those of you who are near strangers, if there is any chance the punishments here are being imposed collectively regardless of individual guilt. Enough harm has already been done to those who didn't ask for it or deserve it on my account. I intend to put an end to it.
...yeah, they shouldn't be able to drag someone else down to hell just to punish a different person.
[like - hallucinations of them? making them think that person is there? sure, whatever. maybe the guilt of believing someone else was really there on their account would just be part of their punishment.
but actually dragging someone else down to be punished when they didn't even do anything to be punished themselves...?]
Well, y'know... for what it's worth... [he looks at her] ...even if there are things in your past you think you should be punished for, I think the fact that you want the responsibility for it to just be on your own shoulders, and that you want to put an end to things here for other people's sakes, is a sign that you probably don't need to be punished as badly as you think you do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[...]
But enough about me. How are you doing? ...it seemed like that was - uh. Hard on all of us.
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[she sounds bitter and annoyed, but as though it's all just about that. except she adds - ]
...He was kind.
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[...frowns.]
Is.
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I didn't know him well. [this is a deflection, really. she doesn't know anyone well, because she doesn't let herself, but... it did mean something.]
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[he sighs]
But a few weeks is enough time to think of someone as a friend, so having this happen to him sucks. ...but where does that leave us with - Cosmos, Micah, whatever name he would have ended up picking for himself in the end... it sucks that he's gone, too.
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...I never spoke to him. But it is wasteful.
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For us to suffer on account of one another is not...how it's supposed to be.
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There is something I've always known that I must atone for, whenever I finally die. I'd prefer to live, but if the time has come, it is something I can accept.
[she brings her fingers to her mouth and chews on one of her nails.]
...One of those demons told me Gideon was here as part of my punishment. I don't actually believe they know anything about why we're here, but - that is unacceptable.
Nor can I accept that for anyone, even those of you who are near strangers, if there is any chance the punishments here are being imposed collectively regardless of individual guilt. Enough harm has already been done to those who didn't ask for it or deserve it on my account. I intend to put an end to it.
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[like - hallucinations of them? making them think that person is there? sure, whatever. maybe the guilt of believing someone else was really there on their account would just be part of their punishment.
but actually dragging someone else down to be punished when they didn't even do anything to be punished themselves...?]
Well, y'know... for what it's worth... [he looks at her] ...even if there are things in your past you think you should be punished for, I think the fact that you want the responsibility for it to just be on your own shoulders, and that you want to put an end to things here for other people's sakes, is a sign that you probably don't need to be punished as badly as you think you do.
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[well, she would like to believe that, but it isn't so easy.]
I don't know that it works that way, but I thank you.
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By the way, I was drugged when I offered, but I do not mind showing you the more elaborate skull paints. Not now, of course. But next week, perhaps.
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Hey, yeah! I'd like that a lot.