[ help. the audacity of this. he snortlaughs, actually, because kuranosuke's mems are so soft? but it's funny, and he can't help but quip, a little dryly: ]
If you'd written to me, I would've given it to you.
[ prime minister lu.
anyway, since we're boomeranging these back and forth, the screen flickers again. lu bixing is half expecting it to be another memory of kuranosuke's, and as he turns his head, he realizes very, very quickly that it's not. i was going to give you the curfew one but this one's better. ]
[ 100 days into your self imposed isolation, you find a black hair on the couch.
it's not anything special. in any other situation, this would be something you'd laugh about as you were cleaning, if that. but today, one hundred days into your self isolation, it's yet another reminder that lin jingheng is dead.
you're not okay, and you haven't been okay, despite the facade that you put on for everyone around you to see. you stare at that tiny piece of hair held in your palm, such a dark brown it looks black, for three hours. you stare at it for so long that the home medical capsule gives you a warning, unsure if you're evne conscious. that snaps you out of it enough that you walk mechanically to your lab, and you seal it under a microscopic glass slide.
that's not enough - no. you pull out your 3D printer, and you take the hair out of the slide with tweezers and create a perfect ball of resin around it.
that's better. (it's not.) it goes in your pocket, and you get up to start your day.
as you read through your personal device's notes from the day before and brush your teeth, mechanically, you realize none of your notes make sense - just senseless, shapeless babblings of a madman. detached, you think, that's unfortunate, and you delete them. one hundred days of notes, and one hundred days in a row that you delete them.
like coming out of a daydream, you realize you've splashed some cold water on your face, and you look at yourself in the mirror. you are a mess - your hair has grown long enough that it's almost touching your shoulders, snarled and curly and ugly. you have stubble and five o clock shadow on your chin. your clothes are wrinkled, there's a stain on your shirt - when was the last time you even changed your clothes - and you can see that your cheeks are sunken in. you look awful. you used to care so much about your appearance. do you care about anything anymore? you should -
... you can't. you can't bring yourself to do anything about it, so you knock your hand against the mirror until it turns away, and you think you might be losing your mind (if it's not already gone) when you hear another knock. you blink. the default AI in your house says, tonelessly:
"Visitor: Mint. Identity has been set to: Your student. Do you wish to answer the door?”
you sigh. ] No.
[ it's not her fault. you don't have anything against her, of course. but the idea of interacting with a single human being makes you want to throw up. you start to turn away, but your personal device starts to yell at you, beeping over and over, and saying, in that same robotic voice: "Legal Guardian obligation."
...right. mint wasn't quite an adult yet - she'd be twenty in just a few months. under the union laws, she wasn't old enough to be alone. the minor protection law keeps children from fully cutting off any communication with their legal guardian, at least in the union. you don't live in the union anymore - you laugh, a little, almost mocking, just sad, and go into your system to delete all records of that law. the beeping silences. you stand there.
...you take a deep breath, and you go to open the door.
facing you is not just mint, but all four of your students. beyond them, you realize dimly, that your front garden has been restored. all the weeds that had grown to the height of the window, the rusted, destroyed robots tha tonce held the sign that greeted home of engineer 001 and commander lin have been repaired and shined to their original condition. the sun is coming through your windows for the first time in one hundred days.
the entire garden is filled with flowers.
your gaze flits across your students. mint hiccups. "Professor Lu," she starts, and you feel something swell in your heart that's so heavy you almost can't breathe around it. something in you like a pilot light sputters. ]
Don't cry. [ you say, softly. you want to smile for them. you can't get yourself to smile. you feel ashamed and guilty and horrible and - touched, and so touched you almost can't believe it. ] Did you all clean up the garden?
[ white interrupts you. he also looks like he's going to cry, but he says, "Professor, we’re here to help you, is that ok? We’ll help you fix Zhanlu’s system.".
now that's kind of funny. that's what you've been trying to do for the past hundred days. zhanlu is the most complex piece of machinery arguably in any of the eight galaxies, and it's your system to fix, and the idea of them being able to fix it - they could barely do math, when you first met them, all the way back on beijing beta, twenty years ago.
how could you guys fix anything with your little brains? All you guys can do is fix up some smaller robots and serve some tea, what else can you all even do? you think, to yourself.
rickhead interrupts you. he has never been good at any kind of mechanical work no matter how many times you teach him and he is blatantly aware of it. his face and his eyes are bright red, and he is sniffling, and before you can kindly reject their ridiculous offer, he says, "I can't do anything...Professor Lu, at least let me serve you some coffee..."
these four kids are the only survivors of beijing beta being blown up. they'd wandered around the galaxy under your wing, and grown up faster than any kid deserved to have to grow up. when they gather around you like this, they're like a pack of tiny, lost stray animals, staring at you with their eyes so hopeful that it could be a commercial. you don't know whether to laugh or to cry, something thick in your throat.
because this is the thing. you aren't like lin. you can't just get up every day before sunrise to train even if the world ended. your world has ended, but you have this, this pilot light, this guiding moral that makes you to your core. you would rather die than break the hearts of your students.
you swallow, hard. and softly, you nod, and you agree: ] ....Okay. I'll let you handle the coffee from now on.
[ what you didn't realize then is that this moment single handedly ripped open the crack in your isolated, miserable life and brought the light back in. your students visit you every single day, to make coffee and clean the house and decorate and try and help (badly) (they're so bad at it, even now). you start to put yourself together. you shave. you cut your hair. you take a fucking shower.
and day by day, bit by bit, a tiny part of you starts to heal. ]
well, kuranosuke knows better than to laugh this off or make jokes. it seems like a lot of people who have ended up down here have dealt with things like this - all sorts of traumatic situations and losses.
isn't it adding insult to injury that they've ended up in hell after all that...?
softly:]
...you've got good students. I'm glad they were there for you.
it's not the first time he's seen memories of that time in his life, but it's the first time he's seen this particular one. the rush of affection that comes to his heart makes lu bixing put a hand on his chest, gently, and as it ends, he is smiling, gentle and soft. ]
I do. [ his kids. his babies. ] How embarrassing, though - did I look like a mess, or what?
his expression shifts just a little as kuranosuke continues - something a little dark over his eyes, something a little unfamiliar. more like that young, grizzled man staring at his reflection than the person he's been for the majority of his time, here. ]
Mmm. [ ... ] That was nearly fifteen years ago, now.
[ that gets a soft laugh, a rueful smile. ] You'd be braver than I've been.
[ the idea of asking lin about it still makes lu bixing nervous, even now.
but. ]
... I know he wouldn't have done it if he didn't have to. I know things went badly, and - he's almost died so many times, it wouldn't surprise me if that was what happened, and he was just recovering, somewhere.
[ in the back of his mind, distantly, he can remember lin jingheng yelling during the execution, back when he was fighting for his life against four. something about two thousand times, but it's fuzzy. either way, he loves lin jingheng, and trusts him enough to know that it must have been important, but the thought that potentially, it could be he just... left, the thought terrifies him. ]
... I lost my dad, at the same time. The same day. That one stuck.
It's probably easier for me, is all. I'm not as close to the situation.
[kuranosuke has definitely hesitated in his own situations. it's much easier to tackle someone else's problems than it is to tackle his own, sometimes.]
...I'm sorry.
[losing a parent is tough. kuranosuke hasn't lost one permanently, but he still feels the pain of being separated from his mother. maybe it's because of that - just to rub it in? or to remind him that he had been separated from her once, too? who knows - that the screen flickers to lifeagain.]
[ if lu bixing was a different kind of person this would probably be rubbing it in, especially because he just mentioned monoeye, but - he's a good person, and as it finishes, he's smiling a little, soft. glad for the distraction, to be honest, and warm as he reaches over and squeezes kuranosuke's shoulder very gently. ]
And look at you! Scientific examination of the drinks every single week - even if you don't just drink him under the table, I bet you can experiment enough to find some other solution. Haha, maybe you'll come up with some kind of anti-inebriation pill we can all take to stay sober no matter how much we all drink!
...let's get out of this place. All of us, Lu Bixing.
Edited (god this is what i get for tagging without coffee) 2023-03-04 16:40 (UTC)
Haha. If my biochip worked, I'd have no problem with that! That technology already exists. I couldn't tell you the last time I got drunk before I came here.
[ they really said you have to outdrink satan and then nerfed his scientifically enhanced alcohol tolerance!!! (satan voice) no cheating
he smiles a little further at kuranosuke with that, though. ] Let's. We've got a lot of work to do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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If you'd written to me, I would've given it to you.
[ prime minister lu.
anyway, since we're boomeranging these back and forth, the screen flickers again. lu bixing is half expecting it to be another memory of kuranosuke's, and as he turns his head, he realizes very, very quickly that it's not. i was going to give you the curfew one but this one's better. ]
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well, kuranosuke knows better than to laugh this off or make jokes. it seems like a lot of people who have ended up down here have dealt with things like this - all sorts of traumatic situations and losses.
isn't it adding insult to injury that they've ended up in hell after all that...?
softly:]
...you've got good students. I'm glad they were there for you.
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it's not the first time he's seen memories of that time in his life, but it's the first time he's seen this particular one. the rush of affection that comes to his heart makes lu bixing put a hand on his chest, gently, and as it ends, he is smiling, gentle and soft. ]
I do. [ his kids. his babies. ] How embarrassing, though - did I look like a mess, or what?
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[kuranosuke is pretty tactless a lot of the time, but even he knows better than to just be like "lol dude you were messy!"]
Totally understandable, though. I mean... in that kind of situation...
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his expression shifts just a little as kuranosuke continues - something a little dark over his eyes, something a little unfamiliar. more like that young, grizzled man staring at his reflection than the person he's been for the majority of his time, here. ]
Mmm. [ ... ] That was nearly fifteen years ago, now.
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[
he is now math lady memeing.]
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it's a nice look, suggesting he can ask his questions. ]
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[like he clearly had people helping him, and zhanlu was with lin jingheng and like, functional, so...???]
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[ he's quiet for a moment. "working out" - did it? he's still not sure, even now. ]
Right before we ended up here, I found out that he was alive the whole time, one way or another. We reunited, and... then, we were here.
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[ah, lbx is continuing. kuranosuke falls silent and lets him finish explaining.]
Wait, what do you mean "one way or another"?
[did.
did he fake his death.]
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[ but as for the second part.
... he smiles, a little, and it's more sad than usual. ]
...Well. I don't really know what happened. You'd have to ask him.
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...reaaaally tempted to, actually.
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[ the idea of asking lin about it still makes lu bixing nervous, even now.
but. ]
... I know he wouldn't have done it if he didn't have to. I know things went badly, and - he's almost died so many times, it wouldn't surprise me if that was what happened, and he was just recovering, somewhere.
[ in the back of his mind, distantly, he can remember lin jingheng yelling during the execution, back when he was fighting for his life against four. something about two thousand times, but it's fuzzy. either way, he loves lin jingheng, and trusts him enough to know that it must have been important, but the thought that potentially, it could be he just... left, the thought terrifies him. ]
... I lost my dad, at the same time. The same day. That one stuck.
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[kuranosuke has definitely hesitated in his own situations. it's much easier to tackle someone else's problems than it is to tackle his own, sometimes.]
...I'm sorry.
[losing a parent is tough. kuranosuke hasn't lost one permanently, but he still feels the pain of being separated from his mother. maybe it's because of that - just to rub it in? or to remind him that he had been separated from her once, too? who knows - that the screen flickers to life again.]
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... That felt like a fairytale.
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[there's something a little fond in his eyes, but - then he sighs.]
'Course, I up and died not too long after that, so... drinking Satan under the table is the plan, I guess.
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[ teasingly, he leans over and nudges his shoulder gently into his. ] So, I think that's a distinct possibility.
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And look at you! Scientific examination of the drinks every single week - even if you don't just drink him under the table, I bet you can experiment enough to find some other solution. Haha, maybe you'll come up with some kind of anti-inebriation pill we can all take to stay sober no matter how much we all drink!
...let's get out of this place. All of us, Lu Bixing.
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[ they really said you have to outdrink satan and then nerfed his scientifically enhanced alcohol tolerance!!! (satan voice) no cheating
he smiles a little further at kuranosuke with that, though. ] Let's. We've got a lot of work to do.
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[he grins]
We've got this.
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[ haha whew
he squeezes his shoulder, though. ] And I agree. Maybe next week, if spirits are high enough, we should throw a party of our own.
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[yOU PLANNING SOMETHING IN ADVANCE FOR NEXT WEEK MAKES ME AFRAID THIS IS A DEATH FLAG SISI]