You know how it is when you have every little thing that worries you all tucked away so it doesn't affect you as much? Well, uh, kinda had a ton of those. So when it came crashing down, I just...broke, I guess.
[His emotional stability is his greatest strength, but in him, that's achieved by coping and bottling away so he can be a functional person. So when a very ill-timed cocktail of Strange Medicine and Doing Just Fine tore down his psyche in record time, he just lost all hope]
It wasn't like I was gonna go for Lee Junhyeong specifically. We encountered back in the carnival, and he, uh, he immediately attacked. Pretty relentless. That mess in the stalls was pretty much made by him trying to murder me.
[So yeah, to be technical Lee Junhyeong did make the first move and oh boy did he try his hardest]
But it's not like I was innocent? I mean...yeah, I was hesitating, but I was out there seriously considering murder. Dunno if I would have really done it if he hadn't--if he hadn't slipped at that stuffed animal place, but...
[As soon as Lee Junhyeong fell down, Filbo pretty much pinned him down and forced himself to do it, having recognized this as the one and only chance he would ever have. Even in the magic booze stupor, he still was very reluctant, after all. Had Lee Junhyeong managed to get up again, or had Filbo failed at doing it right, he probably wouldn't have tried ever again]
[THEY ALL WATCHED LEE JUNHYEONG RIP A MAN'S THROAT OUT WITH HIS TEETH.]
Until we figured out what drink you had, I thought - well. I thought he'd attacked you, you'd defended yourself, and you were using the memory drink to forget about it, 'cause... that'd be a lot to live with. [...] ...about tomorrow...
Honestly after the initial one I had, all I could think was, uh, berating myself. Over and over. I think having more and more of that purple booze was a way to punish myself. So I didn't forget my faults and everything I had done wrong.
If I hadn't been caught I really think that would have gotten worse.
[What with reminding himself over and over he had committed murder. In a way, that he was forcibly snapped out of that spiral by getting caught probably was for the best]
[Hah, it's my fault he's like this, really. Last time I played him he was from the best ending possible where he actually is elected mayor of what may be the equivalent of New York in his world, and therefore he was in a far cheerier, far more confident state that game. Had an intense fear of losing what he had achieved, but he was far happier and endgamed.
And this time instead I brought him from the worst ending possible and also he died and fell into hell. Yeah, no, that probably made his issues worse]
Kuranosuke, just wanted to thank you for everything. I'm here in this cell because of my own actions, so I know I ruined it all, but also the last two months you and the others have been great. It means a lot to me I got to know you and everyone else.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[...]
Can I ask... what happened? Like... how did it end up that way?
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[Hmmmm, how to put it]
You know how it is when you have every little thing that worries you all tucked away so it doesn't affect you as much? Well, uh, kinda had a ton of those. So when it came crashing down, I just...broke, I guess.
[His emotional stability is his greatest strength, but in him, that's achieved by coping and bottling away so he can be a functional person. So when a very ill-timed cocktail of Strange Medicine and Doing Just Fine tore down his psyche in record time, he just lost all hope]
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[...honestly, people have killed for worse reasons, in kuranosuke's opinion. (he's still salty about bucky killing ginger hunter for a party invite.)]
...I'm sorry. It must've been hard. [...] Can I ask... why him?
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[So yeah, to be technical Lee Junhyeong did make the first move and oh boy did he try his hardest]
But it's not like I was innocent? I mean...yeah, I was hesitating, but I was out there seriously considering murder. Dunno if I would have really done it if he hadn't--if he hadn't slipped at that stuffed animal place, but...
[As soon as Lee Junhyeong fell down, Filbo pretty much pinned him down and forced himself to do it, having recognized this as the one and only chance he would ever have. Even in the magic booze stupor, he still was very reluctant, after all. Had Lee Junhyeong managed to get up again, or had Filbo failed at doing it right, he probably wouldn't have tried ever again]
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[THEY ALL WATCHED LEE JUNHYEONG RIP A MAN'S THROAT OUT WITH HIS TEETH.]
Until we figured out what drink you had, I thought - well. I thought he'd attacked you, you'd defended yourself, and you were using the memory drink to forget about it, 'cause... that'd be a lot to live with. [...] ...about tomorrow...
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If I hadn't been caught I really think that would have gotten worse.
[What with reminding himself over and over he had committed murder. In a way, that he was forcibly snapped out of that spiral by getting caught probably was for the best]
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[OUR POOR SAD MUPPET.]
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And this time instead I brought him from the worst ending possible and also he died and fell into hell. Yeah, no, that probably made his issues worse]
Kuranosuke, just wanted to thank you for everything. I'm here in this cell because of my own actions, so I know I ruined it all, but also the last two months you and the others have been great. It means a lot to me I got to know you and everyone else.
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...it means a lot to me that I got to know you too, Filbo. I'm happy to have been your friend.
[...]
I wish there was some other way than what's gonna happen tomorrow.